Children of Foster Carers Month: Katie and Maddie, West Country

However, I have followed my parents’ beliefs that as a society we should look after the more vulnerable members of our communities. My recent dissertation at university focused on the refugee crisis around the world. I have visited Calais to give support to many individuals trapped near the coast.

Fostering has allowed us as a family to directly impact the lives of young people, who through no fault of their own, find themselves isolated and victimised. We have been able to help and heal some of the suffering that individuals have experienced in their short lives so far.

Perhaps what has been most rewarding has been how much we have learnt and developed as individuals through fostering. As a fostering family, we have learnt to be more empathetic and reflective. The benefits of fostering are less obvious ‘in the moment’ when trying to deal with a dysregulated and angry young child who has little idea why their behaviour is so difficult. However, looking back, we can see how far each child has healed. We can see a growing sense of self and inner calm, and this is where the real rewards lie. We have learnt a great deal about how to manage and support the feelings of insecurity, shame or jealousy that often haunt young children in care. After five years our boy is now very much part of our family, and we have grown to love him enormously. He has real potential to be a very positive force in society and we all look forward to him adding to the successes he has already achieved. It will be amazing to see him as a young man, hopefully, able to address and reconcile what has occurred in the past and then move on to a bright and fulfilling future.

I have become a more tolerant, empathetic and understanding individual as a result of fostering. It is, to me, a crucial role within society that educates individuals and highlights the need and rewards of community care.

I regard our boy now as a brother, and as such I have grown to love him unconditionally. That is not to say that he doesn’t drive me mad sometimes! His rages and jealousy occasionally know no bounds and seem inexplicable at times, and as I have stated I have often been the target. However, I have also been a key counsellor and advocate for him. He has tried my patience and tested my resilience to explore how much he can now trust the members of his new family.

 I am proud to say that I have always forgiven him when he has been unpleasant to me and that we always repair any differences we have had, and this has helped him understand that he can trust us and feel safe within our home.

He has come so far since he first arrived, and he is a different boy entirely to the one who turned up on our doorstep with one suitcase of clothes and a very scared and lost look in his eyes. His capacity for love and kindness is there now for all to see and I feel a real sense of achievement in having seen him heal and develop. I would not have had it any other way, although at times the road has been very rocky.

The learning process has been a two-way reciprocal relationship, and I know that I am a better person for having been part of the fostering experience.