A Poem from Ruby, Age 9

When I first got here I felt scared...

"It was Ruby’s first time in foster care and she didn’t know what to expect. She was just picked up from school one day and brought to her foster carers, to us. She didn’t know what was going on. At 8 years old, she was terrified.

We did a lot of talking. Ruby can talk about her feelings.  If she doesn’t understand something, she will ask. She’s really big on sharing her feelings, and it’s going such a long way to help her."

"She’s really big on sharing her feelings, and it’s going such a long way to help her."

I was worried we couldn't do my traditions...

"Last Christmas was Ruby’s first with us, and she was very nervous. She didn’t know what Christmas was going to be like in foster care. We explained to her that when different families come together – not just in foster care, but say, if you get married - you bring traditions from both sides, and we would like to share that with her. Little things like who puts the lights on the Christmas tree.

She said, ‘Well, I always had a present at the end of my bed’, and we said, ‘Well, our tradition is that we always put a stocking outside of our bedroom door’. So we managed and shared expectations ahead of Christmas."

"We explained to her that when different families come together – not just in foster care, but say, if you get married - you bring traditions from both sides, and we would like to share that with her."

We are an honest family and I feel safe here...

"When Ruby came to us she had come from an environment of lying constantly. We think it had been a survival thing.

Initially, there was always that fear that she was going to be told off. We spent a long time trying to explain to her that all feelings are ok – all behaviours are not - but it’s ok to have feelings and to share them, and it’s not going to upset anyone. You have to say how you feel. Even down to little things – like, we all make mistakes. She struggled with that at first. She likes to be perfect."

I have also learned new skills...

"Perhaps surprisingly, rather than a writer Ruby is a mathematician. Though she does keep a diary to write her feelings down, which has helped her a lot.

Her handwriting has come on leaps and bounds from when she first wrote her poem. There are so many changes that she’s made even since writing that poem a year ago. She’s come on so well.

We could talk about Ruby all day. She’s just the most amazing child we’ve ever met in our lives. She’s just so fantastic. She is such a fantastic person.

A new resolution...

"My New Year’s resolution is not to blame myself for things anymore."

It was New Year’s Eve before bedtime and we went in to say good night, and she said, "My New Year’s resolution is not to blame myself for things anymore." That’s a real thing for her.

Because she has always held so much blame, being in care and from her family situation; but now, she’s just starting to let it go.

Thank you to Lauren and Laura - and Ruby! - for this interview.